[The opening scrawl of text goes up for the last time]
Yes, Episode Six, a.k.a. the one you thought was the worst Star Wars episode until you got proved severely wrong 16 years later, and again 19 years later...and again 22 years later...and again 25 years later.
[As Darth Vader's ship lands inside of the Death Star]
Security is tight after a terrorist tried to smuggle some sand on board. Turned out to just a dude returning from the beach.
And now he's dead.
[In a segue from one scene to another, a creature outside Jabba's palace eats a smaller creature, then belches]
[sarcastically] Thank you, George, that really moved the story along nicely.
[Leia is shown in her famous slave costume for the first time]
And there we have it: the costume that makes attending Comic-Con bearable.
And in a few outlying cases much, much worse.
Oh, you saw that guy too?
[The First Guard falls into the Sarlacc pit]
Mike Nelson [as Guard]:
Tell Jar Jar I hate him!
[As a biker scout falls off his speeder bike and hits a tree hard]
(As the biker scout) Meant to do that!
[Leia and Wicket are in the forest when Wicket smells something]
And they encounter Porkins the White.
[As Luke, Han and the others are tied up and readied for sacrifice by the Ewoks]
Mike Nelson [as C-3PO]:
[Emperor Palpatine stands up and walks towards Darth Vader and Luke]
[Stormtroopers corner C-3PO and R2-D2.]
Bill Corbett [as C-3PO]:
[singing] It's raining stormtroopers! Hallelujah!
[An ewok is sent flying by a nearby explosion]
The Hurt Locker, as performed by the Build-A-Bear Workshop
It's a trap!
This is no time to quote tired internet memes, sir!
That blast came from the Death Star! That things operational!
Kevin Murphy [as Sulltian Pilot]:
Wabas dabat? Obo Shabat!
[After Luke cuts off Vader's right hand in their climactic battle]
Bill Corbett [as Luke]:
By the way, I got you a cell phone for Father's Day -- it's hands-free. BURN!
[As the Emperor falls to his death down a seemingly bottomless chasm]
Kevin Murphy [As the Emperor]:
I regret having this bottomless chasm instaaaaaaaalled!
[The Emperor explodes into a bluish gas after being tossed down a shaft]
Huh, who knew? The Emperor was mostly made of Smurf gas.
Update your references, Bill; those are now called Avatar farts!